Happy

My friend wrote his mother: “Mama I'm doing better now
My last year of College, told you I wouldn't let you down
And how's things around the house? I know you're still fussing
I finally heard from Ralphie said "He had a deal coming"
He wrote me last week; told me him and Dad don't speak
They both be acting they’re kids if you ask me
But anyway, how come you never wrote me back?
This is like my fourth letter to you, I was hoping that...
You could send me something it's getting cold winter's coming
I know you're standing, laughing, saying, "I'm up or into something"
I love you mom sincerely yours”, as the nurse pause
From reading her his letter, body attached to a cord
Into a breathing pump, the stroke she had was too much
She's in the coma, been that way for a few months
And if her son knew believe he'll split in two
And go back to using drug before quitting school
But just smile 'cause your mother’s still here
Try to live and be proud, make a heart full of cheer
For your mama, tranquility, she's free
Give your heart space and liberty and then peace
The words are golden, emotion, devotion
Just hush, feel the touch for a moment
My life's a paradox, watched by crooked cops
But the law carries me just to be Happy

Stood right beside me,
look deep inside me
She has inspired me to be, Happy....

-Killah Priest

Can not...

The more i think about it
the more it confuses me...
Started talking to god
so the demons wont get to me...
Full of optimism and hope
until you're drowning and
your friends wont throw you the rope...
These words out my mouth
are worse the dope...
Barely breathing on the floor
off of one note...
Let me be your life vest
let me keep you afloat...
Let me be your next breath
when you start to choke...
Are you being serious?
Or is this a joke?
Paranoia setting in worse then on coke...
Help me
get these negative thoughts out my head...
Help me
replace them with positivity instead...
I feel for you
like Russians for bread...
I cant get you out my head...

Angel

By gates of Eden, Angel, gentle,
Shone with his softly drooped head,
And Demon, gloomy and resentful
Over the hellish crevasse flapped.

The spirit of qualm and negation
Looked at another one – of good,
And fire of the forced elation
First time he vaguely understood.

“I’ve seen you,” he enunciated, -
“And not in vain you’ve sent me light:
Not all in heaven I have hated,
Not all in world I have despised.”

-Pushkin

Life's rough, Fuck it!

This life is full of ups and downs
never knowing what's to come around
but avoiding corners, will eventually lead you to a wall
and no hard hat can protect you when the sky's fall
i know you cant control it go ahead and lay back
kick your feet up if you must light up a sack
call some honeys to the crib tell'em to grab a six pack
get the mood right, just throw on this track
baby i got what you need, girl i got what you lack
i can see you know it to since im caressing your rack
a hard dick for that ass with a nice hard smack...
look at this i ain't even put it in and she's moaning
got a look in her eyes saying she wants it till the morning
i told her i like it rough
she let me take control and,
her eyes rolled back started screaming and groaning

Dark Days

“Bright Dark Sky”
I thought it was over but the feelings returned
My scares have just healed, but I suffer more burns
You’d think after these mistakes one would learn
The compassion of another I yearn
Standing in line patiently waiting my turn
But it feels like it never moves
Feels like I always lose
Standing at the fork not knowing where to choose
Speeding down the highway doing 90 on cruse
Gathering my thoughts to lady singing the blues
I can’t solve this on my own give me a clue
Walking with my eyes closed thinking of you
Getting kind of desperate not knowing what to do….
So I stop for a moment….
But return back to my hole
Still searching for my soul
Wish I was younger, but those thoughts are getting kind of old
Can’t be speeding with a flat down a long dark road
It leads to getting buried in a cold dark hole
Chetta my hearts with you another angel’s above
She will live forever, forever she is loved
Smiling down at you from heaven above
I wish for another moment she was here
So you can stand with her, whisper you love her in her ear
I’m getting chocked up I can’t stop the tears
Losing a mother is the biggest fear
Emotions got the best of me tears staining this page
You learn to value life as you get older with age
But to many of us run around lost in its maze
Walking in circles trapped in our waysHoping we escape it before our dying days…

in my notebook

A breathe of fresh air turned into despair
walking with my head down to a kick and a snare
feeling of your lips set off flares
caress your soft neck, pull you by the hair
but its like a treadmill im going nowhere
this doesnt make sense
fall into a hole when i sitting there bent
thinking to myself where the feelings went
approach you with the question thats not the intent
i just need to get it out you can say i need to vent
cant understand why i still think of you
why i got hurt why im breaking in two
whats running through your head i wish i knew
confused looking to find what to do and not to do
wish i never got into this situation
damn i i wish i never kissed you....

Why does every woman that i meet one in the same
why does every woman that i meet bring me pain
im so tired of chasing tired of playing these games
i cant take it no more these bitches are lame
i want to forget your face never remember your name
i want you to take my place hearts to exchange
to feel what i feel
i should have kept this concealed
i can tell you one thing the fake can never be real
this thing was a mistake
never part of the deal
i can make the earth quake with this shit that i feel